The Space Between: Sunday musings…6/30/2025
1. Froideur. Coolness or reserve between people. Not a very happy space.
2. Notes. “Music is the space between the notes.” Claude Debussy. The French composer was famous for compositions that emphasized the power of silence.
See also: Davis, Miles. “It’s not the notes you play, it’s the notes you DON’T play.”
3. Teen. Adolescence can be described as that time when you establish the space between who you’ve been growing up, and who you will be when you are out in the world on your own.
It need not be occupied alone. It need not mean leaving all that brought you to that place on the other side of the space behind.
4. Empty nester. Likewise, the empty nesters move on from the crowded space of the growing family to something new. Or perhaps to a new version of something old.
Like looking at your spouse and realizing that your boyfriend or your girlfriend is back and sharing your space again.
5. Clearing. I really don’t know that much about Melinda French Gates, ex-wife of arguably the most successful Harvard drop-out in history. Whereas I thought the author Maya Angelo was kinda soft, a position I was forced to abandon after I saw a couple of interviews, Ms. French Gates was a blank slate until I read an interview in which she spoke about her recent memoir “The Next Day”. Honestly, with the exception of the folks at her foundations and a group of close friends with whom she raised her kids, I don’t know if anyone has really had a ton of understanding about what her life must have been like and what it felt like to occupy her spaces before and after.
Maybe Mackenzie Scott, ex-wife of Jeff Bezos.
In a WSJ “My Monday Morning” interview Ms. French Gates offers up a very nice way to think about a later in life change. Indeed, I think it is actually a lovely and actionable way to approach life’s changes no matter when they occur. At the core of her approach and her advice when it comes to navigating life’s changes, whether they be standard stage of life fare or an unexpected disruption, is quite simple: don’t rush through them.
“In that time between when you’re leaving something and you’re starting the next thing, there’s a space. I call it a clearing. There is an enormous amount to learn when you’re sitting in that clearing.”
That’s some pretty good stuff. Good on a par with Maya Angelo and the “when someone tells you who they are” good. The chicks have fledged and you sit before 15 or 20 years of productive life without the need to ensure that your offspring are lodged and fed? That bears some time in space if you are privileged to be allowed to tarry (sadly, experience has shown that this is not a universal privilege). Your years of productive employment are nearing their end and it’s time to decide what your third act will look like? Ditto. Who among us hasn’t known someone who just jumped out of the plane and pulled the ripcord without having first surveyed the landing zone?
The space between isn’t always a comfortable place, but if you sit for a moment you will likely agree with Ms. French Gates that you actually have more time there than you might think. There is likely more space that would be recognizable to Debussy or Davis. Less froideur and more hearth of the heart. Of course there are times when one must move smartly along, but I think it is more like Ms. French Gates proposes, and we are more likely to land comfortably if we assume that our flight plan will flow slowly and smoothly toward a welcoming runway.
So bring a flint and a bit of lint. Gather some kindling and a bundle of firewood. Get comfortable in the space between. Hang on and hang out until you see a clear path out of the clearing.
I’ll see you next week…
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