Random Thoughts from a Restless Mind

Dr. Darrell White's Personal Blog

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Posts Tagged ‘commitment’

Character Assassination

The White family lives by a very small number of credos, the most frequently stated one being: “less said, sooner mended.” We approach conflict, gossip, grudges and all types of ‘drama’ with this in mind. It’s amazing how often silly stuff, however hurtful or harmful, simply dissipates into the mist if you don’t talk about it or don’t respond to it. “Less said, sooner mended” works almost all of the time.

When it doesn’t work, or at least when we have opted not to invoke it, is when there is a clear effort at character assassination afoot. This is very different from gossip, however mean spirited. Character assassination is the purposeful placement of a negative untruth followed by the carefully planned encouragement of the propagation of that untruth until it becomes the default descriptor for the target of the character assassination. In effect it is premeditated murder of someone’s reputation.

You cannot ignore this.

How, then, to know the difference between simple gossip and true character assassination? Easy, I think. Gossip responds to “less said, sooner mended” before it reaches anyone whose opinion you truly value; character assassination sows seeds of doubt in an ever tightening ring of your relationships. Once this is identified and confirmed “less said, sooner mended” must be abandoned in favor of any and all manner of responses that might be necessary to defeat the attack.

Our lives are filled with gossip and drama. It is part of the human condition it seems. Upon leaving high school the vast majority of us will never be the victims of an attempted character assassination; we should approach almost all situations with this in mind, and accordingly consider “less said, sooner mended” our default setting. Life is easier and dramatically less stressful and more pleasant in this mode.

If, on the other hand, you sense those doubts coming closer within your circles, if you sense that every “less said, sooner mended” only frees that carefully planned untruth to grow unchecked…well…then you must commit. You must run TOWARD the story armed and ready to destroy that untruth with no reservations about any possible collateral damage as you move to its source. It should be clear from your response that you will brook no retreat along your way. Your adversaries in this battle you did not choose should know without doubt that the only regret at the end will be theirs.

So the White family continues to live by its long-time credo of “less said, sooner mended”. We encourage others to do the same. Life is easier because of it! Let no one mistake your kindness and gentle nature for weakness, though. Be clear that you know the difference between mere gossip and true character assassination. Let it be known that you will ignore the former, but fully commit to fighting the latter.

With no reserve, no retreat, and no regrets.


The Three “R’s” of Commitment

“No reserve. No retreat. No regret.” Three separate entries into the bible of a young missionary when he, in order, committed to his mission, arrived in a foreign land, and heard his own fatal diagnosis at age 25.

That’s commitment.

Think about how this might work in your life. You’ve got something before you, some task, a challenge, maybe just CrossFit Open 13.3. You’ve got it, whatever ‘it’ is, and it’s within you to triumph. All it takes is a full commitment to the task.

No reserve. No doubts or reservations at the outset. You’re in. In for the whole thing, right from the get-go. No retreat. You’re gonna go forward and fulfill your obligation, complete the task, reach the goal. And finally, regardless of the outcome, no regrets. You put yourself on the line. Accepted a challenge. Made the effort and accepted all that came with it, win, lose, or draw.

The “3 R’s” of commitment. No reserve. No retreat. No regrets.